based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
