he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
