May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
