Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
