And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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