Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
