I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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