i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
