would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
