I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
