So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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