u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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