He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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