I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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