and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize