Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
