i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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