I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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