There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
