After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
