well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Are my feet made of real feet?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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