Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
