No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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