Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
foreskin is a definite game changer
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
