i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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