I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
