I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
