i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
COCAINE IS GR8
do nipples grow back?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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