My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Two words: blizzard sex
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
