Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
porn star boner night. come get it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
