guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
