I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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