he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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