totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
