My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
