You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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