Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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