I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
