can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
