Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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