it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
