and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
