It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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