we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
