in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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