the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
