just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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