i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
