it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
