What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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