True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
