some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
