So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found a bag of teeth...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
