I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
