so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
