What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
