After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
there is glitter all over my balls
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
