Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
