I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
