return my video game
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
