just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize