my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
