STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
