Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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