i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Rumble strips road head = magical
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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