i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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