I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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