porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
