Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize