So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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