Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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