I'm gonna have a badass scar
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
