yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
