the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
