Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
